Ninety percent of hurt suffered by us was unintended by the perpetrator. Similarly, most of the hurt caused to others by our words and actions was never intentional. So why do we suffer so much grief that was never intended ? Isn’t it a paradox ? If what hurts me is really unknown to the other (and vice versa) then it can only mean that the source of hurt is within me. It’s worth exploring some pointers about hurt in understanding its genesis.
Firstly, the root cause of hurt is never the external person or event. The seed of hurt is within me. The external person or event is just a trigger that sprouts this seed. Forgiving someone without understanding the genesis of hurt is like trying to stop one trigger. Even if I do forgive someone, it won’t stop me from getting hurt by someone else at other times. As long as the seed within is not addressed, I’m still vulnerable to being hurt. So forgiving a person does not insulate me from being hurt.
Secondly, anger is not very different from hurt, in the sense that both sprout from the same root. If I controlled my anger I’d be hurt and if I tried not to get hurt I’d be angry. Hurt and anger are two ends of the same pole. They’re both symptoms of a deeper disease. They’re signs of an inner pain that’s deeply rooted within me. Not knowing that the external person or the situation is just a symptom and not the disease, is what the masters mean when they talk about ignorance of the self.
Thirdly, as long as I’m vulnerable to getting hurt, I’m also capable of hurting others even though I may not be aware of it. That’s because again, the vulnerability of being hurt and the capacity to hurt others stem from the same root. This sheer vulnerability makes me a sitting duck to be attacked by external forces or forces me to attack others and I don’t realize that I’m caught in an endless loop, perennially waiting for solutions from the outside world which can never happen.
So more important than learning to forgive someone, is empowering myself from within so much that I’m incapable of getting hurt. Then where’s the question of forgiving anyone ? And developing this capacity to insulate myself from being hurt at all, necessitates a deep understanding of my own self first. The onus is on me and not the other. For starters, try to figure out the location, form or fabric of this hurt. Some form of discipline (sadhana) like meditation, kriya yoga, under the guidance of an experienced teacher can go a long way as a balm in neutralizing the inner pain, which can drastically let me visualize the bigger picture (purpose) of life.
This calls for an inner journey which works only in aloneness. In this journey I can never progress with company. That’s because the medium of this journey is not physical distance but a non-physical realm of my consciousness which is right now at a very shallow level heaped with a lot of rubble of diversions, distractions, attractions and projections which got piled from across lifetimes and unknown to me, but which I’ve been identifying myself with. And this rubble needs to be bulldozed to penetrate the consciousness to a deeper level with a razor–sharp focus in some lifetime. In fact each time I’m born, it is fundamentally for this purpose.
But, for this I need to bring in some path breaking changes in my thinking process. As Albert Einstein said, “The significant problems we face cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them”. Possibly make dynamic shifts in my rigid perceptions and judgments I’ve made about people and life all along. Also these changes should not be left at just the mind level. They need to be internalized, assimilated and implemented in my living. Only then can these changes one day become a critical mass and finally result in a transformation. I’ll need a lot of courage to do this because the first casualty will be my ego. It won’t let me question my own judgment in which I’ve invested so heavily.
No matter what method or discipline I practice for my spiritual growth, if such practice results in my ego being hit and if I continue this practice in spite of this hit, it is the most dynamic and holy prayer I’m doing. Because I’m inching closer to my being (or God). All other forms of prayer no matter how genuine, are secondary and static in nature. Secondary prayers are static in nature because they have the “blessings” of the ego. And I’m not aware of this deceit. I’m looking without for help and as long as I don’t look within, the ego is safe. Ironically, the ego is the only block to awakening.
Firstly, the root cause of hurt is never the external person or event. The seed of hurt is within me. The external person or event is just a trigger that sprouts this seed. Forgiving someone without understanding the genesis of hurt is like trying to stop one trigger. Even if I do forgive someone, it won’t stop me from getting hurt by someone else at other times. As long as the seed within is not addressed, I’m still vulnerable to being hurt. So forgiving a person does not insulate me from being hurt.
Secondly, anger is not very different from hurt, in the sense that both sprout from the same root. If I controlled my anger I’d be hurt and if I tried not to get hurt I’d be angry. Hurt and anger are two ends of the same pole. They’re both symptoms of a deeper disease. They’re signs of an inner pain that’s deeply rooted within me. Not knowing that the external person or the situation is just a symptom and not the disease, is what the masters mean when they talk about ignorance of the self.
Thirdly, as long as I’m vulnerable to getting hurt, I’m also capable of hurting others even though I may not be aware of it. That’s because again, the vulnerability of being hurt and the capacity to hurt others stem from the same root. This sheer vulnerability makes me a sitting duck to be attacked by external forces or forces me to attack others and I don’t realize that I’m caught in an endless loop, perennially waiting for solutions from the outside world which can never happen.
So more important than learning to forgive someone, is empowering myself from within so much that I’m incapable of getting hurt. Then where’s the question of forgiving anyone ? And developing this capacity to insulate myself from being hurt at all, necessitates a deep understanding of my own self first. The onus is on me and not the other. For starters, try to figure out the location, form or fabric of this hurt. Some form of discipline (sadhana) like meditation, kriya yoga, under the guidance of an experienced teacher can go a long way as a balm in neutralizing the inner pain, which can drastically let me visualize the bigger picture (purpose) of life.
This calls for an inner journey which works only in aloneness. In this journey I can never progress with company. That’s because the medium of this journey is not physical distance but a non-physical realm of my consciousness which is right now at a very shallow level heaped with a lot of rubble of diversions, distractions, attractions and projections which got piled from across lifetimes and unknown to me, but which I’ve been identifying myself with. And this rubble needs to be bulldozed to penetrate the consciousness to a deeper level with a razor–sharp focus in some lifetime. In fact each time I’m born, it is fundamentally for this purpose.
But, for this I need to bring in some path breaking changes in my thinking process. As Albert Einstein said, “The significant problems we face cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them”. Possibly make dynamic shifts in my rigid perceptions and judgments I’ve made about people and life all along. Also these changes should not be left at just the mind level. They need to be internalized, assimilated and implemented in my living. Only then can these changes one day become a critical mass and finally result in a transformation. I’ll need a lot of courage to do this because the first casualty will be my ego. It won’t let me question my own judgment in which I’ve invested so heavily.
No matter what method or discipline I practice for my spiritual growth, if such practice results in my ego being hit and if I continue this practice in spite of this hit, it is the most dynamic and holy prayer I’m doing. Because I’m inching closer to my being (or God). All other forms of prayer no matter how genuine, are secondary and static in nature. Secondary prayers are static in nature because they have the “blessings” of the ego. And I’m not aware of this deceit. I’m looking without for help and as long as I don’t look within, the ego is safe. Ironically, the ego is the only block to awakening.
